


Do It For Mettaton

by ArgentDandelion



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Crack Relationships, F/F, F/M, Fantasy Asgore, Fantasy Undyne, Fiction, Humor, Multi, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fantasies, mentioned undyne - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:08:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23744332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentDandelion/pseuds/ArgentDandelion
Summary: The only way to save Mettaton is for Alphys to have vivid romantic fantasies. Comedy ensues.
Relationships: Alphys/Asgore Dreemurr, Alphys/Asgore Dreemurr/Undyne, Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Asgore Dreemurr/Undyne
Kudos: 12





	Do It For Mettaton

**Author's Note:**

> Due to how its romance is handled, it's closer to PG than G.

_CLICK CLACK_.

 _Dark. Wet. Muddy_. Alphys looked on with a frown. _This is why I don’t like Waterfall._

"A-and....why a-aren't you bringing your n-normal crew?" Alphys asked.

“Snails are very skittish,” Mettaton replied. You do know how to make yourself non-threatening: your lack of confidence is actually great for capturing their natural behavior on film.”

_CLICK CLACK._

The echoes of Mettaton’s wheels over the stony floor bounced off the rock walls of the hallway.

 _Dark, wet, muddy...and full of echoes. Undyne’s the only worthwhile thing in this rock-mire._ Alphys thought. _Maybe I’ll meet her..._

Alphys shook her head. _No fantasies about Undyne. Mettaton’s moving too fast._

"H-have you even charged for this trip?"

"I'm not going to be doing much. Just a quiet documentary."

They walked quietly through the halls lit by faux stars.

“Didn’t you mention some other ghost that lived in Waterfall...Nappa something?”

Mettaton said nothing.

\----

 _CLICK CLACK. CLICK CLACK_.

 _Has it gotten even_ worse _on wood?_

“M-Mettaton? I-I don’t think it’s a good idea...the br-bridge i-isn’t built to handle s-someone so heavy as y-you....”

Mettaton turned around on the middle of the bridge. “Darling—”

 _Snap_.

“Mettaton!” "AAAAAAH!"

And he was gone. Gone, into the darkness...and then Alphys heard a _splurch_.

_Thank God. It’s just mud._

\----

Alphys carefully climbed down the last few meters of the rock face, silently appreciating how it wasn’t too steep or slick with rain. Shetrudged through the thick mud towards the center of the canyon, and, finally, Mettaton came into view.

His face was buried in mud, and his body laid in the shadow of the broken bridge. A few splinters of wood were still scattered on his backside.

“Mettaton? Are you alright?”

"Alphys, do help me. I've fallen and I can't get up." All the mud muffled Mettaton’s voice, and Alphys leaned closer.

"I...I don't think I can lift you like that...c-can't you push yourself off the ground?"

"I doubt it.”

Mettaton’s noodly arms stretched out as he propped them by his sides. He rose one inch, then two inches, as his body creaked and whirred from the strain...only to fall into the mud once again.

Alphys flinched from the alarming _beep-beep_ of Mettaton’s body: the low-power noise.

"I suspected as much. I don't have enough battery power to do something so...intensive."

“How about your rocket pro—”

“Darling, if I can’t even _lift myself off the ground_ , I sure can’t _fly_.”

Alphys stood over him in ever-growing, awkward silence. Alphys’ cheek bulge, and she looked to the side.

“C-can't you...l-leave your body?”

“ _No_!”

The pause went on for too long.

“...not...so close to where people could recognize me and connect the dots.”

Alphys gripped the sides of Mettaton's boxy body and tried to lift it. The metal weighed down on her hands as she struggled, and her face reddened from the effort.

"I c-can't do it, Mettaton,” Alphys said, panting. “You're.. j-just too h-heavy."

"Possible. Other possibility: you're physically weak." He said, pointing up a finger as he laid face-down in the mud.

"In any case, Alphys....I'm sure you can find another solution."

Alphys paced for two more minutes.

 _I could call Undyne_ , she thought.

_Undyne majestically jumping down with no helmet and picking up Mettaton like he was nothing, Undyne smiling at Alphys with a confident “You called?”..._

Alphys shook her head. _No! I'm not dressed right...I'm all muddy._ _A_ _nd...she probably has something more important to do. She's probably doing patrols now._ Alphys thought. A _nd...it wouldn't matter anyway. She'd probably wear her full armor and be businesslike and scary while on the job. Why did I imagine it otherwise?_

Alphys paced some more.

_I got it. Electricity magic. That should charge him up, and give him the strength to lift himself._

Alphys opened her mouth.

_...but I can't._

Alphys looked at Mettaton’s unglamorous, face-down body. _Does...does he even know about my_ _magic production_ _impairment_ _?...I..._

_He doesn't need to know. I'll just pretend to think of some other ideas for a while._

"I-it's r-really difficult, b-but if you give me a few minutes I-I'll find some way to help."

Mettaton said nothing.

\----

_What can I do to get afraid on command?_

Alphys looked down at her claws. That one memory...

“ _Hey, Alphys! What are you doing in Waterfall?” Undyne said within her memory._

“ _Uh...uh...” Alphys felt a drop of sweat trickling from her scales, and the tingle of static in her hands. The water went above her ankles. Undyne was only a few feet away..._

“ _I...um..w-was g-going to v-visit...” Water conducted electricity. Humans hunted fish with electricity. Undyne was so, so close..._

 _Ah!_ Alphys thought, gesturing triumphantly and smiling in the direction of a nondescript wall. _Revealing my feelings to Undyne! And definitely not the fear of accidentally electrocuting her!_

DATING START

_In the center of her imagination, Alphys stood in the middle of a grey room with black walls: the perfect quiet, private place. And she was..._

_Why am I a human in a headband_ _in this fantasy_ _?_... _um,_ _I'll just roll with it._

_Undyne stood in front of her, smiling. "Hi, Alphys. You wanna talk?"_

_"I, I...uh...gotta wash my toaster! Bye!" The lid to the trapdoor that had suddenly appeared slid back, and Alphys jumped backwards into the hole._

_Gotta wash my toaster?_ Alphys’s face twitched incredulously. _What? Well, at least I don't have to reveal my feelings to_ _—n_ _o! I gotta get scared!_

FANTASY FILE RELOADED

_"Hi, Alphys. You wanna talk?"_

_"I WANT SOME HOT FISH!" Alphys yelled into Undyne's face, blowing her hair back with the force of her passion._

_Undyne blinked as her hair settled down. "...you're...into seafood?"_

_"hECK yEAH YUM YUM!"_

Alphys's face scrunched up. _Oh God did I actually fantasize a human version of myself saying that to an imagined version of Undyne as part of a contrived situation to rescue Mettaton from a pile of mud?!_

FANTASY FILE RELOADED

_Again, in this room of her imagination, fantasy-Alphys stood in front of fantasy-Undyne._

_"Hi, Alphys. You wanna_ — _"_

“ _Hey, Undyne. You one hot, hot babee.”_

_Undyne stared at her awkwardly, teeth exposed, eyes wide._

_RELOAD!_

_No. No! I won't be the coward this time!_ Alphys clenched her fists and looked forward into the middle distance with utter determination. _No, yes! Be the coward! Get scared!_

_Undyne stared, and paused. She shrugged. “Well, I’m glad you reciprocate. I also think you’re a hot lizard. And not simply because of the heat you’ve absorbed from your magmatic home on my slimy, clammy body.”_

_Undyne bent down and picked Alphys up._ _That’s weird,_ Alphys thought. _Because human-me is actually bigger than—focus!_

_Undyne held Alphys tenderly as Alphys’ legs dangled. And Alphys’ tail definitely didn’t hang awkwardly, as her fantasy self was a human and humans lacked tails._

_She's...surprisingly good at hugging!_ Alphys observed. _In my fantasy! Despite being a bony fish-beanpole!_

But nothing happened.

 _I'm_ hugging _Undyne now! Very scary!_ Alphys insisted, trying to turn up the realism. _Yeah! Turn up the vivid feel of her non-burly arms! And her non-thick and non-furry body! It’s_ terrifyingly _inadequate!_

Electricity built up within Alphys’ body. She looked back towards Mettaton, silent and damp in the deep mud...but only a few sparks twitched from her scales.

_NO! NOT SCARED ENOUGH! Mettaton needs me!_

\----

_Bang!_

_In the doorway stood the King of All Monsters, in full armor, who stared at the hugging couple with a resolute expression._

"What." Alphys said out loud.

_Asgore’s long blond hair streamed majestically out from his face, caught in a breeze..that came from nowhere. His burly body made for a commanding presence as he entered the room, his eyes locked on Alphys._

“ _I have noticed you have become bold, Dr. Alphys.” He said in that sultry deep voice._

“ _Y-y-yes. R-r-eally, r-r-really bold.”_

_"It's inspired me." said Asgore, his hair still streaming._

_"It's inspired me...to reveal my feelings to Undyne."_

"...what." Alphys and Fantasy-Alphys said simultaneously.

_"Your strength...so much like my own. Our furry fish children shall fresh hope to the kingdom!"_

_"Oh. Oh my."_

_"But enough talk. Let us...SMOOCH."_

_Asgore's lips and Undyne's lips distended from their faces like snails emerging from their shells. The lips inched ever closer..._

More sparks built up within Alphys' body, through her arms, through her hands...

"...wait."

"Is Undyne even into men? And didn’t Asgore train her to fight...?" Alphys muttered. _In her head, Fantasy-Undyne and Fantasy-Asgore looked at her and politely waited._

“ALLLLPHHHYYS.....” Mettaton called out weakly, his voice distorting from lack of power.

_Do it for Mettaton!_

LIP CONTACT SUCCESSFUL!

Alphys scurried to Mettaton and held her hands to his body. Electricity danced off her fingers and into Mettaton’s boxy body.

Alphys grit her teeth. _Come on, come on..._

Mettaton said nothing. Alphys glanced over him, over his noodle-arms and switch and wheel...but there was no effect. No sign that her efforts were accomplishing anything at all. _Is it working? I don’t know! Why didn’t I install a meter?!_

_Undyne looked passionately at Alphys, eyes half-lidded, as she conveniently overlooked her prejudice for humans and the fact fantasy-Alphys happened to be human._

_Alphys stared back in non-electric shock_. She _gulped and looked to the side....was that fully-garnished table of French food and a now-shirtless king always there? Alphys looked back at Undyne. She was still staring back at her, now waggling her...eyebrows?_

Consumed in her fantasy, Alphys took no notice of the sparks that multiplied from her hands.

_On that very...cozy table was a seafood dish. With three ingredients. Now Undyne was across from her, waggling her eyebrows so intensely she feared they could catch fire._

_And she was wearing a_ beret.

Alphys took no notice of the faint whir of Mettaton’s machinery.

_Undyne leaned in close over that impractically small table and whispered to Alphys:_

“ _Have you ever heard of a...melange a trois?”_

The entire canyon lit up with lightning.

\----

MTT STARTUP COMPLETE.

Mettaton pushed himself up from the ground and wobbled on his single wheel.

“Mettaton!”

Alphys embraced his uncomfortable metal edges. Mettaton awkwardly patted her back, before extricating himself from her embrace and churning through the mud.

Then he paused.

"100%. Strange....” he said. “How _did_ you manage to charge me, Alphys?”

Alphys blushed. ‘I-i-it’s nothing important.”

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Notes: There, my promised crackfic, starring a contrived scenario that only happens in fanfiction and just happens to justify absurdities.
> 
> If you want actual Alphys x Undyne, try [Alphys Reviews Slayers IV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23237032). For more crackfic, see [Ghost Code](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23653990%22).
> 
> Feel free to tell the author what you think, either here on on the author's[Tumblr](https://argentdandelion.tumblr.com/).


End file.
